Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
