the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
