You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
