Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
