Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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