hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
