my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
