dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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