I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
