if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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