She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
