Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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