matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
