Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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