Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
