he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
