Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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