i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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