Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
