All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
