so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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