Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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