I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
