there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
