I skipped work to stalk him.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
