Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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