don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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