The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wish there were birth control emojis
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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