Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
