Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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