OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ok first of all what the fuck
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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