I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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