dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
