you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
