Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
