Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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