I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
a search helicopter?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
