i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
