I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
