Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
