How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
