i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
