so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
