Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
