I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
