Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
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You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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