I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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