Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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