just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
