every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
