the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
