is your mom at the bar?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
