he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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