I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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