Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
jump out the window naked night went bad
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