she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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