That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
