I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i think i just lost a toe
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
