i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
worst night to have a conscience
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
