Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
