I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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