It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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