champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
