if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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