Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
