my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
