I looked at my own cervix.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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