He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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