I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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