She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
