Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
