My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
